Mardi Gras

Today isn't turning out to be the party I expected it it be, not that I expected much since I'm in charge of all party-planning around here. I was just over at Charlotte's and she's grumpy, too.

Somehow, I think this is a more appropriate start to Lent than a huge party. My mood is not hormones; it's not stress; it's not my kids. I can't blame it on anyone but me. It's me and my diet----eating things I know I shouldn't eat because they make me feel bad. I don't feel guilty that I ate something I shouldn't; I feel sluggish and cranky. That just sets the whole cycle in motion of not wanting to do anything and being irritable with everyone. I heard myself the other day being snappish and I thought, "Whoa! Where's that coming from?" All other things being equal, the only thing out of balance was the amount of sugar and wheat products I was consuming. Oh, and perhaps the fact that I was turning to food when I should have turned toward The Giver of All Good Gifts.

Everyone starts the New Year with a desire to lose a few pounds (at least those gained between Thanksgiving and New Year's). Barbara started a Google Group dedicated to changing your life and your diet (for good) and letting God use it to create a new you. I joined, but I knew at the time that I was not in the right frame of mind. So many other people have huge reasons for changing their diet or losing weight: obesity, heart disease, diabetes, allergies, etc. I have none of those issues. In fact, I even like myself at this weight more than I ever did when I was young and slender. I have no health issues. But my dear friend Carol pointed out to me that my "huge" reason for changing my diet for good, and getting rid of the sugar and grains, is my mood and what those things do to me psychologically, and, of course, the impact that has on my family.

For a really good explanation of the Saint Diet, which I am beginning tomorrow, go here. Jen explains it all beautifully. No, this isn't a diet to lose weight. It's a diet that will not hinder me from becoming a saint. Eating oatmeal cookies definitely hinders my bid for sainthood! I hope I will be growing closer to God through this because I will need all His help to resist temptations. And lest you think I'm also doing this to lose weight, the scale will be given up as well. My clothing will tell me all I need to know.

I really had no intention of coming here and proclaiming to the world (or my 12 readers) what my Lenten sacrifice will be. And I've had multiple impulses to just delete the whole post, but I'm going to keep it. There will be other sacrifices, I'm sure, but I'll be quiet about those. However, you'll be relieved to hear that I don't plan more posts about my diet (except as it may pertain to my sainthood), because I don't like to talk about dieting and losing weight as a general rule. Except over coffee with a good friend. I think I'm right where I need to be on the eve of Ash Wednesday. I'm on my knees, ready to make changes, anxious to draw closer to Our Lord, willing to make these sacrifices for the good of others and the good of my soul, knowing that He wants this for me and that it's not just my vanity.

May you have a blessed, holy Lent!