Are YOU Aware it's NFP Awareness Week?

It's NFP (Natural Family Planning) Awareness Week! I was somewhat surprised by that fact at Mass on Sunday when our new priest mentioned NFP. Now, this was his first Sunday with us, which just happened to coincide with NFP Awareness Week, but I think if he hadn't been celebrating Mass, I would have been kept in the dark about it. Unfortunately.

It's unfortunate that more priests don't talk about NFP, either this week or at all, because it's one of the most beautiful teachings of the Catholic Church. The Church teaching on sexuality is one of the things that sets it apart from all the protestant churches....and pretty much the whole world!

There was a time when we knew this week was coming and did something to prepare for it at our parish, but we've let that fall by the wayside since we reached a tipping point in our childbearing years that made teaching too difficult. And now we're past all that, anyway. Don't snort because we stopped teaching because we had "too many children" thanks to NFP! We had those children because we wanted them, not because NFP didn't work.

For us, NFP was (and is) a huge gift to our marriage. We've been very blessed to have little trouble conceiving, but even with my irregular cycles, we were able to avoid pregnancy when we needed to and able to conceive fairly quickly when we were ready for another child. It wasn't always easy to abstain and it made for some difficult, stressful times in our marriage, but, on the whole, it strengthened our marriage enormously AND brought me into full communion with the Catholic Church.

I didn't start out using NFP because I believed the Church teachings, but because we needed some way to space our children (Yes, I had a "contraceptive mentality"!) and, with my tendencies toward more natural living and fewer pharmaceuticals, I was happy to learn NFP. Win for both spouses! Nevertheless, my eyes were opened by the changes in our already-happy marriage, and if the Church was right about the reasons for married couples should not use contraception, maybe She was right about other things, too.

Feel free to share your experiences or thoughts! NFP is a huge hurdle for many couples in this age of sex anytime, anywhere, with anyone. The widespread belief that we shouldn't have more than 2 children these days is also a challenge for couples. Rest assured that you don't have to have a dozen (as I thought) or a half-dozen, but you do have to invite God into your sexual relationship (because He created it, and He's there whether you like it, or admit it, or not!). And there are no guarantees that you will be given all the babies you want, either, but you will find grace and joy in abundance even through the struggles and the sorrows.

Keeping the Family Honor Intact!

Hey there!

It was a busy weekend----Monday was Recovery Day and today is was just Busy, so I'm just getting around to blogging.

Anyway, Meg and I went to a Family Honor program on Friday and Saturday. Family Honor is about teaching the facts of life in the context of Catholic church teaching along with emphasis on the virtues of Purity and Chastity.

I really didn't know what to expect, though I knew it was good. I'd heard it "takes the awkwardness out of teaching your kids about the birds and the bees." I wasn't sure how that would work...but they do it by actually telling your kids everything they need to know! That sort of surprised me, but it was fine.

The whole seminar was a  combination of the Natural Family Planning classes and Marriage Prep classes that Don and I taught for years. We learned about communication skills, hormones, women's cycles, and chastity through a mixture of lectures, slide shows, games, and parent/teen discussions. There were several breakout sessions---boys, girls, parents---and the Facts were taught in a single-sex environment. The only time the boys and girls were together was with the parents.

Meg, as the youngest of 6 children, and a very open, talkative child, was much more knowledgeable than many of her siblings at age 12, so it was good timing for her. Other children might do better in 8th grade as opposed to 7th, though several of her classmates were there. It has already made discussions much more open around here!

Family Honor seems to be focused around the southeast, but it you have the opportunity to attend one or organize one at your parish, I highly recommend it! I wish all my kids had had the chance to go.

Have you ever been to something like this?

PHF and very Real

{pretty}

See who's on the wall in the background?

"New" dress from Goodwill for the "Swing Night" show at church.  $5.95 + the cost of drycleaning, and it's stunning!  In case you can't tell, it's a gorgeous raspberry color which looks great on.
I bought another, black, gown, because my friends say that we do these shows a couple of times per year, so it's worth it to have a couple.  Especially if they cost only $5.95!!!
{happy}

A photo I got this morning from my friend who took Meg to camp.  She's having a great time at AHG camp from everything I hear.  Yesterday, I got a photo of her with half-a-dozen new best friends!  

{funny}
When we were shopping for costumes for the show, she found this dress for herself.  It's an adult size, but with a tank underneath, and tied tightly in the back, it's a maxi on my little girl, and she looks great in it.  She's been dying for an outfit with denim on top, but we usually just see super-short rompers, in the stores, that I won't let her wear.  I think she'll be wearing this one for years as she grows into it!
{real} Go read this post by Grace at Camp Patton.  It's a departure from her usual tales of a crazy life with 3 children under 3.  She tells funny stories of the mayhem of littles, and how nuts they can make us, but you have to read her blog with your tongue firmly in cheek, as she writes it.  This post is more about the "real" Grace and how they use (or don't use) NFP.  She must be a very positive person, because I could never have written such a blog if I were in her shoes!  My kids were spaced farther apart, and my melancholic temperament would not have made the blogosphere a happy place, if I were blogging back then!  

And here's "real" for ya:  I'm heartily sick of NFP!  21-ish years of taking my temp almost every. single. day. is about to drive me over the edge!  I don't know how fertile I really am, but the thought of abandoning NFP for a possible (however unlikely) pregnancy at the age of..ugh...49 next week...is pretty scary.  Grace's faith is inspiring.

~~~~~

A Good Summer Read: In Name Only

"1876, Philadelphia. Caroline Martin's life has finally taken a turn for the better. After years of hard work, she has met a virtuous and wealthy man whose love seems to promise the kind of life realized only within the comforting novels she keeps on her night table. Tragedy, however, will teach Caroline of the complexity with which God Himself authors the lives of those who turn toward Him."

Don't you love it when a book surprises you?  I started this new book on my Kindle the other night; I couldn't remember where I had heard of it, or who had recommended it.  I probably got it when it was free for one day in the Kindle store!   I was not favorably impressed by the writing or the stilted characters who were too perfect, too polite.  For the first couple of nights, I read only a little bit, but then I got into it a little more.

Yesterday morning, I decided to read a little bit with my coffee while I "woke up".  When I looked at the clock, it was 10:45!  In Name Only had definitely grabbed my attention and held it!  Though I had been reading for 4 hours (!) already, I didn't bother to stop until I had finished the book around 1:00 p.m.  (It's summer, right?  We had nowhere to go.)

I couldn't remember the name of the book I was reading, but I had discovered along the way that it is a Catholic novel.  I've read Catholic novels before that spend a lot of pages hammering you over the head with Church teaching, and while Ellen Gable does explain certain teachings, I thought they flowed better with the story.  The interesting part was how the couple, married in name only, tried to live up to these teachings, sometimes failing, and then having to live with the very real consequences of sin.

Coincidentally enough, this is a perfect book for NFP Awareness Week!  It takes place in the late 19th century, but there is still plenty of discussion of contraception as it existed at the time.  I found myself thinking about it for the rest of the day.  To me, a book or a movie is a success if you keep pondering it for a couple of days.   Not the most well-written romantic novel, but definitely a good summer read.

Magical Womanhood

I read a very interesting, wide-ranging movie review the other day. Sister Helen Burns's review of Magic Mike covered so much more than the movie itself! She gave a beautiful explanation of the definitions of lust, and male and female sexuality, and the theology of the body. I haven't read her blog before, but I will certainly be going back after this! Stop by now and see what she had to say; I will be happily waiting for you here.

I grew up in a very worldly, sexualized society, like most people my age, that has changed quite a bit in my lifetime! In fact, you could almost say that I've grown up with the birth control pill since it was legalized just a few years before I was born.

Wow, it only just occurred to me to wonder why my (non-Catholic) mom had three children very close together when the pill was available. I know that by the time she got pregnant with me, the last, she was miserable and wanted out. I've always known I was unwanted, but very much loved once I arrived. I have years worth of birthday cards telling me what a gift I was to my mom, and how much joy I brought her. I have no illusions that I merited any of that (although I was pretty cute and sweet!); it was merely the fact of my existence. And that is a whole different blog post about how much joy a life can give, no matter what the circumstances.

Oh, it looks like this is going to be a wide-ranging blog post, too! Back to the movie-review...which filled me with thoughts about what it means to be a woman and a sexual creature...

I grew up (along with the pill, remember?) thinking I had to dress a certain way (immodestly) to be attractive. I had to have the perfect figure, and if I didn't have those things, I had to do certain things to be worthy. Of course, not all those things I felt compelled to do were sexual (nor did I do everything. I was very uncool in that way!); I also felt that I needed to have a big career---you know, bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan.

All I really wanted, as it turns out, was to get married at 21 and have children, preferably staying home to raise them. It was the Catholic Church and my loving husband, that opened my eyes to the true beauty of this lifestyle, which society continually tries to destroy. Children have become disposable commodities to have at our discretion. More and more, we are wanting them to be designer, perfect babies, if we want them at all. Women are not fulfilling their potential by staying home to take care of them.

These days I consider myself a feminist---one who believes that caring for a husband and family is the highest of callings. Extended breast feeding, which is a form of mothering as well as nourishing, is part of that. Now, I don't care if you couldn't breast feed, or if you feel you have to work, either for your sanity or for your bank account. I'm not here to judge your choices or abilities, and I wish that people would stop judging me for mine. I might wish you didn't feel as if you have fit a certain mold, but that doesn't mean I think less of you!

I've said before (sorry, not many links today since I'm typing on the iPad!) that we started using NFP a few years into our marriage. Learning to see the beauty of the sex act, and the miracle of children led to my conversion. I could see that the Catholic Church, far from being an oppressor of women, was the one place that I and my children were to be wholeheartedly accepted and r.e.s.p.e.c.t.e.d. Years of using NFP, teaching NFP, giving RCIA talks on marriage and sexuality, and teaching a more in-depth pe-Cana (marriage prep) class on marital sexuality further ingrained that belief in the beauty of womanhood. So, finally getting to the point, I hate to see the destruction of society and femininity brought about by contraception and porn. The continued degradation of women through movies, books, and billboards. You name it. Hardly anyplace is the value of true womanhood upheld.

Now, it would be nice if the rest of the world would let children be children instead of teaching them about sex through movies, tv, radio, and schools. It would be nice if girls knew that they could say no to sex and immodest clothing, so that they could be seen as a whole person and not just a collection of body parts to be judged. It would be awesome if each young girl knew that she was totally worth the wait and that there is nothing more beautiful than married sex which is open to God's plan for life. And it would've great if women didn't feel they have to objectify men as we've been objectified all these years.

~~~~~~
I'm going to wrap up my rambling rant now! This is what you get when I go on vacation and I have, basically, all day long to write a post! Let me know what you think and what you'd like to rant about next. Have a blessed day!

PG-13 Content---NFP!

There have been some interesting discussions around the blogosphere lately on NFP. Primarily due to this article, I believe. Rachel started another at Testosterhome. My dh and I have been NFP teachers for 10 years now. We've used it for 15 years of our 22 year marriage and it has been a huge blessing. But I think it is really hard on the more sexual half of the marriage, in most cases the husband. I have cycles which require more abstinence than most, and sometimes we really don't like it. And the timing is totally off for the woman, anyway.

That said, I think it is one of the most beautiful Church teachings, and the one that brought me into the Church. Maybe not so much "NFP" as the teaching on marriage and the life-giving, love-giving marriage act. Sex is a beautiful gift from God---a way to show our love for each other and give life. I think I said before, or I meant to, that God was incredibly generous in allowing us to share in His act of creation. He gave women infertile times that allow us to have some control over conception for serious reasons. When we talk about serious or grave reasons for using NFP, it's really between God and the spouses. No one else can determine who's right---only the '3' involved in the marriage.

I think the biggest problem these days is that we don't live in a society based on families anymore. We work constantly. We drive our kids all over town for activities. We don't live near our parents and siblings. If life were different and revolved around the home, as it used to, and families stayed close where the extended families could help with the new babies, NFP use would be different, more rare. I think more people would reserve it for life and death situations. Perhaps God did not intend for couples to use those natural rhythms He provided for years and years in our marriages, and that is why we struggle with the difficulty of it.


Throughout history, babies have been a fact of life; people got married and babies came. They expected them and accepted them. Now, even the most dedicated Catholics have a difficult time with large families because it seems that everything in society makes it so much harder. Heck, I feel guilty sometimes for stopping at 6, but emotionally, physically, and financially, I don't think we could handle anymore. But that's really a lack of faith, isn't it? Or is it a societal problem?

They're beautiful! Who wouldn't want more?

The Gospel of Life

In honor of the 40th anniversary of Humanae Vitae, the encyclical letter by Pope Paul VI on the regulation of birth, I re-read it yesterday during my hour of adoration of the blessed sacrament. It was published (promulgated? I always forget where that word applies!) on July 25, 1968.

It's a beautiful little work which I think explains clearly the beauty of marriage and the responsibility of husbands and wives who are "the free and responsible collaborators of God the Creator." God has given us an incredible gift in this ability to share in the act of creation. We are able to create new life, just as He did with Adam and Eve. The love of a man and woman, when expressed physically, creates life, just as the love of the Father and the Son brought forth the Holy Spirit.

God generously gave us this freedom to reproduce, which you can see all around you. What you don't see as often is the "responsible" part. That means treating the gift of sex with the respect it deserves. Reserving it for husbands and wives alone. Those married couples must also cherish it by not tearing apart the 2 integral halves of the marital act: unitive and procreative. The unitive aspect is a way for spouses to renew their marriage vows and show their love for one another. "By safeguarding both these essential aspects, the unitive and the procreative, the conjugal act preserves in its fullness the sense of true mutual love and its ordination towards man's most high calling to parenthood." Most people are all in favor of the unitive side, but balk at the procreative side.

Most of us would recognize certain disordered behaviors if we saw them. Less serious, perhaps, but disordered. Chewing a mouthful of food for the flavor and then spitting it out because they're on a diet, is one example. Or going so far as to eat an entire meal and then vomit to avoid weight gain. That's what anorexics do----they eat for the comfort of the food, but don't want what comes with it. We know that's an illness. Food has 2 purposes---enjoyment and nutrition. Why is it any less disordered to have sex (with a spouse or not!), but not want to experience the natural fruit of that act?

As it says in Humanae Vitae, it is not necessary for every marital act to result in a child. In fact, God gave women rhythms in their cycles of fertile and infertile periods for this very reason. It is perfectly acceptable to make use of the infertile phases and NOT the fertile phases if there are serious reasons to avoid a pregnancy. But in that way, each marital act remains open to the transmission of new life. Just knowing that a new life could result each time you are with your spouse gives you new respect for that spouse and the beauty of the act. Using any form of contraception deliberately frustrates the procreative side of sex and fundamentally changes it. Believe me, from someone who has seen it from both sides, there is a huge difference!

"The teaching of the Church on the regulations of birth, which promulgates the divine law, will easily appear to many to be difficult or even impossible of actuation. And indeed, like all great beneficent realities, it demands serious engagement and much effort, individual, family and social effort. More than that, it would not be practicable without the help of God, who upholds and strengthens the good will of men. Yet, to anyone who reflect well, it cannot but be clear that such efforts ennoble man and are beneficial to the human community."

Can you imagine if contraception were outlawed (again---it wasn't always legal), and there were greater risks associated with extra-marital sex? There would be more respect for women, not less. Contraception strips us of our very womanhood and makes us simply objects of lust. It doesn't really make us more powerful because we can control our "sexual health". There would be far fewer out-of-wedlock babies where the father is not in the picture. Men would be more inclined to shoulder the responsibility of a family if they knew from the beginning that a family could result!

Men and women are equal in dignity before the Lord, our Creator, but women are special because they are the ones who actually get to carry that new life within them. and nurture it. It makes me sad that so many women are willing to be oppressed by contraception and don't recognize it.

Of course, I recognize that many Catholics don't understand the Church teaching against contraception and how beautiful it is. Non-Catholics just think we're stuck in the dark ages and accept what society teaches without much consideration of the alternatives. When my husband of 4 years said that he had read Humanae Vitae and could no longer use contraception, I was floored. I refused to "have a baby every year just because the Pope said I should!" Ouch. That was hateful and un-informed. OTOH, I had heard about Natural Family Planning and was willing to try it since we were unhappy with all the contraceptives we had tried. Let me tell you, opening the doors to God by respecting His procreative and unitive act changed my life and my marriage. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever done---to say Yes to my husband and the Lord.