Thursday, March 22, 2012

Would you like little cheese with that whine?

All that peace of a couple of weeks ago has evaporated.  It's busy around here, and I'm tired.  The house is cluttered, and I'm tired.  My head is full of negative self-talk, and I'm tired of it. It could be that the busy, clutter, negativity, and tiredness are all caused by the same thing:  painting and reorganizing our library.  Or it could be Lent.  You decide.

Last Saturday, I had finally had enough.  The ladder was still out, and I had a free Saturday with the help of my dear Katie to start painting.  Even though we were going to take it slowly and paint "one wall at a time,"  after 2 walls, we realized everything else had to come out of the room so it could be finished or it would drag on for weeks.  We had to empty 2 seven-foot-tall bookcases that were overloaded with books, move them, paint, and put them back in new spots.  We also had to move out the computer armoire to replace it with the goodwill desk that also needed to be painted.

Ugh.  The painting is all done and the furniture is in place, but the ladder is still out, and so is a bunch of stuff we removed from the armoire.  It all needs new homes, or to find its way to the trash.

All this clutter really affects my thinking; I do so much better with clear spaces (so you'd think I'd be better at maintaining them, right?).  I decided to get out of the house yesterday when my afternoon was free-ish (ignoring the ladder, right?) to do a little shopping.

Why, oh why, does shopping for clothes have to be so demoralizing?  Why can't stores light their dressing rooms the way I light my home?  Or is that the way I really look to everyone else? Why can't they have funhouse mirrors that make everyone look thin?  And subdued lighting that makes your skin glow while eliminating fine lines and wrinkles?

I'm deep into the Total Consecration to Mary prayers these days.  A good 45 minutes of prayer/reading daily, including the rosary.  It's hard to get it all in.  Yesterday, I prayed at adoration, and you would not believe the negative, uncharitable thoughts that were going through my head during the rosary.  Right there in front of Jesus!

Tell me that this is Lent and the Consecration prayers.  It's not me.  I'm not the Loser Satan is telling me I am.  I'm not the Loser I'm telling me I am.  {Not that you'd know, because most of you don't know the real me, just the online me.  But you can tell me, anyway.  Maybe I'll listen.  ;-)  }  Everything is a struggle, right now, and I want to quit all my activities/responsibilities because I'm not good enough.


Cast your vote for the cause of my problems:  Lent or Library!


  1. Dearest Sarah,
    I realize this comment will likely self-destruct (esp in light of what you are going through) but I hope you get it at least. About 15 months ago I was consecrating myself to Our Mother and wrote this:
    I'm sure you won't remember but it will all sound familiar. Just keep your prayer time every day and get to Mass when you can. I will double up my prayers for you. Wish I could come over for the rosary! ( and a cup of tea)

  2. PS. Or maybe a glass of that whine. I like blue cheese, btw.

  3. It's Lent. It's totally Lent. Happens EVERY time. (Around here, it peaks at Holy Week.) I will add my prayers as well for you and for all who face spiritual trials at this time of year.

    And oh, a library! You're so lucky! Enjoy it!!

  4. You must remember that you are a "chosen one." Take your nothingness and flee to the arms of Mary. She is sure to "lead, nourish and protect" you.

    I've listed some Consecration resources -

    Ad Jesum per Mariam,

  5. Thanks for your encouragement, ladies! Thank you, Lena, for your wonderful links.

    God bless!


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